He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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