and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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