apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
