I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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