I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
