They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
