Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
