I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
