we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
