he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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