About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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