can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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