i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
