I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
