i already hear my dad disowning me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
