I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
