Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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