he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
