Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
