It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
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Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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