Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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