There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize