you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
