I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
