this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
