Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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