even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
