im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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