I can tuck mytits in my pants
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
