you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
