After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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