Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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