STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
