worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
