I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
