fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
