anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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