I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
