Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
