someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My hand turned me down
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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