Say something about gay babies.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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