Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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