Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
