i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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