Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize