I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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