I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
