fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
