"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
