just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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