Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
