Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
