Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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