6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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