Sponge bath it is.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
