My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
