so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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