Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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