when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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