Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
