this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
