Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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