I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Be still, my beating vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
